The fact that words are even being typed right now, is a miracle in and of itself. How there is a Tomato Battle crew member left alive? An unfathomable end to the last week. Apparently the love we have for one another stops, where our love for music starts. If ANYONE could have witnessed the destruction within the Tomato Battle office that was our fight to decide on an official line up for Tomato Battle:Seattle – they would have thought a gang of Red Sox and Yankees fans had visited in a fight for MLB domination.
However – we are ignoring our immense physical pain. We are overlooking the probable broken bones and internal bleeding. And ripping off our boxing gloves to be able to announce the bands who will be gracing the Tomato Battle stage at Pyramid Brewery come September 24th.
We can take a trip to the emergency room later.
So. Without further hesitation – and before our soulless ginger co-founder slips into a coma – here is the set in stone, not to be changed, extremely fantastic, and absolutely awesome OFFICIAL line up for Tomato Battle:Seattle:
Blood of Kings
The Hill Dogs
The soulless ginger co-founder is teetering on the verge of unconsciousness for a very. Specific. Reason. He threw down, with little to no concern for his physical well being, to ensure that The Hill Dogs would make the final bill. And with That Tomato calling upon her inner honeybadger, and scratching the eyeballs out of her competition – well. Let’s just say some might assume the soulless ginger spends his time running through cactus farms. So The Hill Dogs – you owe the man a beer.
The Roller Doll Tomato is not without injury as well. Although she has the strength of ten men within each one of her biceps – fighting to ensure that Panama Gold made it to the bill was no small tasks. Bruises of epic proportions cover most of her arms and legs. Thankfully, her face is unscathed, ensuring that future roller derby teams will mistake her perfect pores for weakness. Super secret body blows are the key to her success. Trust me. This Writing Tomato knows.
Our Fearless Leader seems to be the healthiest of our crew. He beat most of us down with his quick wit, instead of his fists-o-fury. After listening to him argue the necessity of Bat Country, and after attempting to follow his logic on three completely covered whiteboards, our minds were as beat as our soulless ginger’s body – and we bowed out. Brain wins out over brawn. Apparently.
Which left the Writing Tomato and That Tomato going toe to toe. A nose was broken. A finger was dislocated. A spleen may or may not have been ruptured. However, a decision was made after neither one could continue to stand. This Writing Tomato left it all in the ring for Bloodtypes and Titanium Sporkestra. So both bands owe her copious shots of Jack Daniels. And That Tomato is icing her limbs for a solid week, at least. So The Ongoing and Blood Kings need to send that girl some flowers.
And all of this occurred AFTER the crew had realized that narrowing the list to just five bands, was impossible. There was too much talent. Too much enthusiasm. And too much face-melting capabilities to cut it down to such a small size. So we decided that seven bands would have to do, the bell rang, and the bloodshed commenced.
All. For. You.
So now that you Tomato Heads have your official line up, it is time to get your throwing arm ready. Your drinking pants on. Your costumes completed. And your head banging necks strong. September 24th will be here before you know it.
And the Emerald City will never be the same. Neither will you.